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Ten Worst Gifts to Give at a Baby Shower

"Diapers? No, I thought this dog in a sweater would be a better gift."

“Diapers? No, I thought this dog in a sweater would be a better gift.”

How was everyone’s weekend? I hauled the twins around in a little red wagon until I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

It was the longest three minutes of my life.

But enough about my fit and active lifestyle. Also worth mentioning is the baby shower I dragged Doc to on Saturday. One of my best friends in the entire world is expecting and is just silly enough to assume I won’t steal her adorable newborn and raise it as my own, so she invites me to her social events. It was a fantastic time, even though Doc was standoffish as usual, prompting some to ask..

“Does he always growl like that?”

“We don’t get out much.”

“Why’s that?”

“I blog.”

“I didn’t know you were Swedish.”

Milling around and loading up on free food aside, I feel as though I should share some wisdom I’ve gathered from the many baby showers I’ve attended and taken advantage of dozens of free cupcakes at. I’ve put together a quick gift-giving guide for that special, swollen, haven’t-seen-her-because-she-lives-in-the-bathroom lady in your life.

Top Ten Worst Gifts to Give at a Baby Shower

 

 

  1. ‘Dry clean only’ baby outfits
  2. Diaper cakes you shellacked so they’ll stay that way forever (it took a lot of time to balance those Luvs, especially because the margaritas made everything all wavy).
  3. “I’m 99% sure he’s my daddy” onesies
  4. Solar powered baby monitors
  5. “Do It Yourself Baby Blanket Knitting Kit: Needles sold separately”
  6. “My Baby Can Draw!” permanent marker set
  7. Diaper Genie refills you made yourself after finding a tutorial on Pinterest.
  8. Baby bathtub made from upcycled milk jugs and whatever’s left from the Diaper Genie refill project
  9. Lowrise, hip-hugger jeans emblazoned with, “Mommy” on the back pockets
  10. A sleep mask and dream interpretation journal

To my knowledge, no one gave my friend any of these things, but, to be fair, that seventh cupcake was a little distracting.

Paige Kellerman blogs about marriage, babies and gin at www.paigekellerman.com, and is the author of At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles (June 2013). You can reach her at paigekellerman@gmail.com.


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