09262017Headline:

Awkward Party Animals

I just got back from the grocery store. It was eventful, but as I’m still recovering from exactly how eventful, let’s just talk about that jaunt on Wednesday. At any rate, getting distracted by today would be a mistake because then [...]

Percolating Betrayal

I’m not sure if I ever mentioned it, but my dear companion, Mr. Coffee, died suddenly a while back. Exactly. If that can happen here, it can happen in you house too. I’ll let you process your shock quietly before we move on. Breathe. Now [...]

Mr. Fix It

Well, the bets are in, and in the race to break first, the dryer beat out the van, the other car, and microwave by a long shot. Don’t worry, all other appliances are still putting in the effort to quit working, but we’re really [...]

Unhappy Plants

I think I’ve figured out why the fake plant is dying. Balding and sad, the source of the living room’s right corner palm tree’s malaise seems to be the children picking its leaves off and stabbing each other with them. Shocking. [...]

Baby Bar Fights

You don’t know because you don’t live with us (prayers of thanksgiving should be saved for the end of this post, so you don’t get sidetracked with your enthusiasm and forget to read these finely-crafted words), but Doc doesn’t [...]

Sundance At the Wedding

Afternoon Readers, I’m not sure how many of you are married, thinking about getting married, or planning a wedding right now, but after you order the cake, book the DJ, and buy two tons of colored almonds, please remember to also invite [...]

To Brave the Deck

You joined me just in time. At this moment, I’m watching justice doled out in the form of an irate toddler in a tutu trying desperately to whack her brother with the fin of her mermaid doll, in the attempt to ward him off from chasing [...]

Seven Innings

My internet is doing the dance of death today, so if there are more disjointed thoughts than usual in this post, please know that it’s a technology problem and not my usual literary prowess. Now then, by way of wearing tinfoil hat while holding [...]

A Little Out of Style

“What do you mean it’s too casual? These are my formal pigtails.” Morning Readers, I know I just mentioned it on Facebook, but let the record show that pairing coffee and sea salt and cracked pepper chips falls somewhere [...]

Unrequited Sandwiches

“I think she thinks I think she thinks I think they’re great …but they’re actually not.” Hello Readers, You’ve caught me in the middle of trying to decide whether to tote all the children to the petting [...]